Typically, it’s exhausting to inform the distinction between two very comparable issues, like, as an example, an impulsive response versus a self-regulated response. Whereas these modes of communication actually have similarities, they’re certainly various things and may have distinct results on a relationship. In a lot of the identical means, the road between principal character power (which is actually a extremely self-focused perspective) and narcissistic habits can usually appear blurred. So, how are you going to inform when somebody’s obvious self-centeredness is definitely treading towards narcissistic territory? Based on one skilled, the presence of empathy is what separates principal character power from its extra nefarious counterpart.
Defining this distinction is the topic of the latest episode of The Nicely+Good Podcast, which breaks down each the situation of narcissism and the idea of embodying principal character power in follow. (If you happen to’re unfamiliar with the time period, “principal character power” began as a development on TikTok, the place customers have been inspired to see themselves as the principle character within the “film” that’s their very own life. The “self-first” implication can, then, clarify the inherent connection to narcissistic habits.)
Within the episode, scientific psychologist Ramani Durvasula, PhD, says that whereas she would not essentially body principal character power as a perfect, it’s additionally largely innocuous—as long as it would not contain basically being a villain (aka a jerk). Against this, nevertheless, as a result of one telltale signal of a narcissistic persona is a scarcity of empathy, there isn’t a solution to be a good narcissist. Starring as a good principal character in your life, then, requires taking sure precautions, which social media influencer Raeanne Langas shares within the episode, too.
Hearken to the full episode right here:
“Principal character power is simply understanding your worth and that you’re value having good issues come to you and having good issues occur to you,” says Langas. “It’s simply residing life to the fullest and realizing that…you should fall in love. You should get the elevate or the job that you simply need to have.”
Based on Dr. Durvasula, even somebody with the strongest principal character power can have caring traits and be empathic, largely safeguarding them from basic narcissistic behaviors (which, it is value noting, might be much less extreme than scientific narcissism.) “But when that principal character power is such that they are invalidating different individuals and utilizing different individuals to be props of their life without any consideration for who they’re…that might be leaning into extra of a narcissistic fashion,” she says.
“If that principal character power is such that they are invalidating different individuals…that might be leaning into extra of a narcissistic fashion.” —Ramani Durvasula, PhD, scientific psychologist
Largely, narcissists are of us who’re continuously in search of validation in addition to admiration; their focus is on themselves and themselves alone. In consequence, they’re largely or totally unconcerned with the experiences, emotions, beliefs, or values of different individuals, exhibiting “low ranges of empathy or actually inconsistent empathy,” says Dr. Durvasula, within the episode. “And, when there is empathy, it is insincere empathy.”
So, how may you identify, in a real-life state of affairs, when somebody’s embracing their principal character power versus being narcissistic? It’s all about how their actions make you’re feeling. “Once they’re round a narcissistic individual, individuals usually say, ‘I felt it in my physique first. I form of felt uncomfortable. It jogged my memory of different uncomfortable relationships I’ve had.’ You do not really feel heard, you do not really feel seen. You are feeling, over time, that this can be a one who’s a little bit of a powder keg,” says Dr. Durvasula.
One other solution to determine a narcissistic individual from somebody embodying principal character power is by being attentive to how that individual reacts or responds once you convey up considered one of their wrongdoings.
For example, let’s say you’ve got observed that you simply’ve been extra of a supporting character in your friendship with this individual than you’re comfy with, or your wants aren’t being met. You may convey that as much as the individual by saying one thing like, “Your habits is making me uncomfortable, and I don’t need that to be the expertise we’ve on this relationship,” suggests Dr. Durvasula. “If that individual responds with, ‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t listening. I ought to have been listening. I can see I harm you,’ and also you see their habits change, you are in all probability not coping with somebody narcissistic,” says Dr. Durvasula. “However, if this individual turns round and says, ‘I truly suppose you are the one with the issue.’ Or, ‘let me let you know all of the unhealthy stuff you’ve achieved,’ in order to fully deny your expertise, you are in all probability coping with any individual who has extra narcissistic traits.”
All that mentioned, each time somebody’s principal character power leaves you questioning whether or not they’re bordering on narcissism, ask your self should you can sense an air of empathy coming from this individual, or if they appear to know your facet of the story. In the event that they’re capable of see the place you’re coming from and adapt their habits accordingly, it’s doubtless that they don’t fall into the narcissistic camp. If, nevertheless, there’s any stage of gaslighting, manipulation, or invalidation of your expertise, it’s possible you’ll be smart to avoid future interactions with them.
For extra particulars on figuring out whether or not somebody’s merely a assured principal character or narcissistic, take heed to the total podcast episode right here.
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