The platinum rule specifies that we must always deal with others the way in which they wish to be handled, which relationship consultants say make it extra environment friendly for relationship-building than its golden counterpart. Adhering strictly to the golden rule “turns into an issue as a result of what works for you might not work in your companion, coworker, or buddy,” says Karla Zambrano-Morrison, LMFT. “Treating everybody how you want to be handled would not take note of everybody else’s historical past, struggles, and experiences,” she provides.
I first realized that I ought to be adhering to the platinum rule after I began caring for my crops, as a result of I realized that every of them had totally different care necessities for gentle, water, pruning, and so forth. This meant that I couldn’t simply deal with them nevertheless I felt like—if I did, they most likely would not make it. Based mostly on this understanding, it dawned on me that this thought also needs to govern my human relationships. Every particular person deserves to be handled how they need.
This is not to say the golden rule is nugatory or adverse—it simply would not go as far at assembly individuals the place they’re because the platinum rule. Advertising and marketing specialist Tony Alessandra, PhD, writer of The Platinum Rule, which is devoted to how the very idea applies to enterprise and gross sales relationships, says the goal of the golden rule is to encourage people to deal with others with respect, compassion, kindness, and consideration—as a result of that’s just about the way in which we’d wish to be handled. But it surely typically falls brief as a result of people are likely to take it at face worth. “In terms of interpersonal communication, the golden rule can backfire as a result of it says, ‘I ought to deal with you the way in which I wish to be handled.’ And that does not all the time work,” says Dr. Alessandra.
From my expertise, he is completely proper; I wish to course of feelings by speaking them by way of out loud, so I might typically come to individuals in my life on this approach. However not everybody offers with issues like I do, so I could unintentionally make those that want to suppose issues by way of on their very own earlier than chatting with different individuals uncomfortable. With the platinum rule, although, I might take a further step to tailor my method to how others would favor to work together—not how I would.
The platinum rule dictates that we must always deal with others the way in which they wish to be handled—which makes it extra environment friendly for relationship-building.
After I nonetheless adopted the golden rule, treating individuals how I want to be handled, I might typically discover that my efforts did not land—and my relationships suffered consequently. “Folks might have shied away as a result of they’re clear on what their expectations and limits are,” says Zambrano-Morrison. As a result of I did not even suppose to ask how one other particular person might have most well-liked to be handled, I wasn’t assembly their expectations or respecting their boundaries.
Following the platinum rule requires a further step than the golden rule as a result of to be able to deal with individuals how they wish to be handled, you must work to know them. The excellent news is that it’s not all that tough to determine how individuals wish to be handled—all you must do is ask.
How I take advantage of the platinum rule in three forms of relationships
How I take advantage of the platinum rule at work
With managers, I ask how they like that I submit work. I am glad I’ve taken this technique, as a result of I’ve realized that some people want that I ship work by way of on to them whereas others are glad to speak by way of a workflow platform. Had I simply assumed that I may do the latter with all individuals, I would not be working as optimally as I’m.
How I take advantage of the platinum rule with associates
Common texting isn’t one thing that I personally require to be able to really feel near associates—and that is completely established order in a few of my relationships. In truth, I may go weeks with out chatting with certainly one of my greatest associates, and he or she wouldn’t suppose something of it. Nonetheless, if I have been to go MIA on one other greatest buddy, he’d be extra more likely to ask what’s fallacious. He likes to speak ceaselessly, as a result of that’s how he is aware of that I’m okay and that our relationship is, too. And I am glad to oblige.
How I take advantage of the platinum rule with strangers
Certain, it is robust to know the way individuals you don’t have any rapport with want to be handled—however with a little bit of care, I’ve realized how simple it’s to search out out. After I was nonetheless following the golden rule, I caught to being my loud, energetic, in-your-face self—which, evidently, isn’t precisely everybody’s cup of tea. So now, after I meet somebody that I believe might be in my life for some time, I introduce myself and allow them to know that it’s necessary to me to respect their boundaries. I ask how they like to speak in addition to how they conceptualize respect and friendship.
With the assistance of the platinum rule, I really feel that my interpersonal relationships have actually improved in high quality. And that is all as a result of I am cautious to deal with people the way in which they wish to be handled, as a substitute of assuming that what works for me will even work for them.
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